Posted by Fantasia on November 23, 2001 at 15:45:52:
In Reply to: 13 yr. old Stepdaughter posted by Jody on November 10, 2001 at 16:50:11:
Hitting a child never solved any problem. However, as the mom of a 14 year old I understand completely where you are coming from. My daughter is basically a good kid, but has no clue that the world does not revolve around her. If she wants to go somewhere then immediately she must know if her dad or I will drive her. She loses hair brushes faster than I can buy them and can't ever remember where she put her homework disk or that pesky book she is supposed to read for that 'boring' English class. Lets not forget money.....I wasn't aware until recently that it is my sole responsibility to make sure she always has money in her lunch account at school and I'm supposed to know when her account is less than $5. My personal favorite is 'do you have $10 so I can go to the movies with whoever...?'. Did you know you can just pull money out of your butt at the whim of a child? I didn't have a clue that I was 'supposed' to give my daughter money on demand.
We've started a whole new lifestyle around our house in the past year. First of all, I never believed in allowances. Why pay a child to keep their room clean or help out with the house they live in? Instead her income depends on her attitude. Shoot off at the mouth and VOILA! you are broke for the weekend. Roll your eyes and gasp like I am an idiot and you will never get a ride from mom's taxi. If she loses her homework, hairbrush or whatever it is she has left in some unknown location then its up to her to replace it. Her movie money or pizza money has to go to replace the lost items. And no, she can not 'borrow' mine. I'm a mean mean mom if you ask her. No one else's mom makes them keep their room clean or put their own laundry away....at least according to my princess in training.
If the mouth gets out of control then its off to the bedroom with the door shut and no phone. Her room does not have a TV or computer or any other fun thing. Bedrooms are for sleeping and since she decided she would watch what she wanted and play Nintendo until 3 in the morning we have relocated all fun and interesting things to the guest room where she is welcome to hang out as long as she likes, providing her behavior allows.
Its amazing how quickly the attitude changes when they are responsible for themselves. I've been known to deduct a few dollars from the pizza fund as payment for driving her and her friends to and from some other location. Its not quite like having to earn money with a job, but until she is 15 (2 short weeks away!!!!!!) I can't send her to work. She has already applied at the local grocery store and we've already told her that when she works she will pay to replace her own things. The way I see it is that I am responsible to provide her with the necessities of life. I have no problem with that; I only have a problem with replacing the same necessities 5 times in a month.
Make them responsible for their behavoir now and they will eventually grow into responsible adults (or so I was told....LOL)
Good luck!