Posted by Married to an Alcoholic on May 17, 2001 at 16:36:15:
In Reply to: 19 Year Old is Scaring Me to Death! posted by D. S. on May 17, 2001 at 11:13:54:
your first mistake is 'understanding beer makes him feel better'. explain how a central nervous system depressant could make anyone feel better about anything? the next problem i see is allowing him to break the law. he's not 21, therefore any consumption of alcohol for any reason is illegal. he's an adult, let him face the consequences for his actions. if he shows up drunk call the police. let them take him to detox for a drying out period. he won't enjoy it much and might even learn a few things while he's there.
stop making excuses for him and stop letting him make excuses. wanting to have fun is one thing, needing to drink to have fun is another. there is obviously something going on under the surface that he most likely is not going to tell you. quite honestly, you might not want to know.
you can't change your son or his behavior, only he can do that. you can, however, change the way you react to his drinking. you don't have to accept it and you don't have to live with it. threats are not going to change a thing. neither will all the drug and alcohol treament programs in the world. the only thing that can and will change his behavior is him. he has to want it to end before it will.
most AA groups are associated with ALAFAM (meetings for family members only). you might want to try one or two and see if anything hits home. i'm not an avid promoter of 12 step programs, nor am i against them. for some people they work, for others they don't. i only know from experience that 'having fun' can turn into a nightmare that doesn't end.
my husband has been sober for almost a year now. he started out 'having fun' as a kid and slowly sprialed into a living dead man. he spent every moment of every day finding ways to sneak a drink and avoid his family and reality. he is what AA'ers refer to as a 'functional alcoholic', he remained employed and participated in many activities. the only problem is that he doesn't remember most of them.
i hope your son sees the light before it goes out. i wish you luck and courage.